Scripture: Isaiah 57:20–21 (NIV)
"But the wicked are like the tossing sea, which cannot rest, whose waves cast up mire and mud. 'There is no peace,' says my God, 'for the wicked.'"

In the journey of marriage, the tranquil sea of love and companionship often encounters the turbulent waves of conflict. As two souls unite in matrimony, their unique backgrounds, personalities, and viewpoints converge. This union, while beautiful, can introduce differences that lead to conflicts. However, these conflicts, if managed with wisdom and grace, can serve as catalysts for growth rather than erosion.¹

Lessons from Maria and David

Consider Maria and David, a young couple who stood at the altar with stars in their eyes. Their love story was full of hopes for a harmonious marriage, laughter, and shared moments. But as the initial euphoria waned, reality set in. One day, a seemingly trivial discussion about household chores escalated into a heated argument. They exchanged hurtful words and found themselves stranded in an ocean of misunderstanding.

As days turned into weeks, the silence between them grew louder than any words. The once warm and intimate conversations were replaced with cold shoulder glances and tension-filled sighs. What they didn’t realize was that their inability to navigate and resolve conflicts was threatening the very foundation of their marriage.

In the midst of their struggle, they came across Isaiah 57:20–21. When they read these verses, the metaphor of the restless sea—used in the verse to describe the sinful man’s restlessness—touched them deeply. They realized that peace could not be achieved by avoiding conflict, but by learning to navigate it together, with God as their anchor.

The Heart of Conflict – Our Sinful Nature

Conflicts in relationships are as natural as the changing of the seasons. Yet, many newlyweds are caught off-guard by these storms, expecting idyllic harmony. They are taken aback when disagreements disrupt the peace they had imagined.

However, conflict has been part of the human experience since the fall of man. Isaiah aptly describes this turmoil, comparing the wicked to the restless sea in Isaiah 57:20–21.

But the wicked are like the troubled sea, When it cannot rest, Whose waters cast up mire and dirt. “There is no peace,” Says my God, “for the wicked.” (Isaiah 57:20–21, NKJV).

Our fallen nature perpetuates unrest, often manifesting as conflicts with loved ones.

Addressing Marital Conflicts with Intention and Grace

Conflict is a natural part of any relationship, but it can be especially challenging in marriage. When couples are able to address their conflicts with intentionality and grace, they can strengthen their relationship and build a more resilient foundation for the future.

In their quest for resolution, Maria and David sought guidance, realizing that their marriage was worth fighting for. Their story underscores the importance of addressing conflicts with intentionality and grace. Whether it’s communication breakdowns, financial woes, or differing parenting styles, conflict resolution is a skill that every couple needs to nurture.

The wicked are compared to a restless sea in the prophet Isaiah’s words. Given that all of humanity has fallen short of God’s glory (Romans 6:23), it follows that all aspects of human life, including our marriages, are in a state of lostness, just like a restless sea.

Like a sea, marriages endure troughs and crests, storms and hurricanes, mirroring the human experience. Just as ships rely on guidance through adversity, marriages require navigation through challenges. God’s word provides this guidance, helping marriages navigate successfully.

Steps to Resolve Marital Conflicts:

Embrace the Inevitability of Conflict: Accept that conflicts are an integral part of marriage. Conflicts do not signify a failing marriage; they mirror the natural clash of two distinct individuals’ needs and desires. Similar to the ebb and flow of the sea, marriages experience highs and lows. Conflict can be an opportunity for growth and a chance to deepen your understanding of each other. Learn to communicate and resolve conflicts healthily, transforming challenges into stepping stones.

Prepare Psychologically for Conflict: Preparation is vital. Many couples enter marriage without adequately preparing themselves for conflicts. Preparing is akin to equipping a ship with a compass before a storm. Acknowledge that conflicts will arise and equip yourselves with conflict resolution tools. Envisioning a life without disagreements is unrealistic; thus, preparation becomes a vital compass.

A scripture comes to mind:

“By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding, it is established; through knowledge, its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.” (Proverbs 24:3–4, NIV)

Identify the Causes of Conflict: Understanding the root causes of conflict is vital. Recognize that conflicts often stem from deeper issues. Just as a ship may encounter rough waters due to hidden rocks beneath the surface, couples can be blindsided by conflicts with deeper roots. Recognizing potential sources of conflict allows couples to address issues at their core, fostering true resolution.

A scripture comes to mind:

“The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out.” (Proverbs 17:14, ESV)

Seek Resolution: Unresolved conflicts can erode the foundation of a marriage. Unaddressed disagreements breed bitterness that taints intimacy and trust. Like sailors relying on navigational tools, couples can benefit from resources like books, websites, and counseling. Seek help when needed, as it’s a sign of wisdom, not weakness.

These Bible verses come to mind:

“Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.” (Proverbs 19:20, NIV)

“Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors, there is safety.” (Proverbs 11:14, ESV)

Communication and Compromise: Healthy communication is the lighthouse that guides couples through storms. Open dialogue ensures understanding and empathy. Compromise acts as an anchor, steadying the relationship during disagreements. It’s a beautiful dance of give-and-take that fortifies couples against challenges.

A scripture comes to mind:

“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:4, NIV)

Closing Thoughts:

Marriage, like any journey, has its highs and lows. The passage from Isaiah reminds us that without God’s guidance, we can be like a restless sea. Yet, with His grace and the determination to learn and grow, couples can navigate through conflicts and emerge stronger. As you embark on this sacred journey, remember that storms may come, but you’re not alone. Seek wisdom, communicate openly, and be willing to compromise. By doing so, you can transform the waves of conflict into opportunities for growth, deepening your love and commitment along the way.

Remember, the absence of conflict is not an indicator of a healthy marriage. It’s the ability to confront, navigate, and resolve conflicts that strengthens the bond between two souls. Just as Christ’s sacrifice brought reconciliation between God and humanity, our willingness to engage in conflict resolution can lead to reconciliation and a deeper connection in our marriages. Let us strive to be peacemakers within the walls of our homes, relying on God’s wisdom and grace to guide us through the stormy seas of conflict.

Reflection:

Consider the conflicts you’ve encountered in your marriage. How well have you applied these principles? Are there areas where you can improve your approach to conflict resolution? With intention and grace, conflicts can become stepping stones toward deeper intimacy and a stronger marital bond. As you navigate the waters of marriage, trust in God’s guidance and commit to resolving conflicts in a way that honors Him and uplifts your union.

References:

Whiting, J. (2021, March 31). How Conflict Can Make Your Marriage Better. Psychology Today. Retrieved August 29, 2023, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-lies-and-conflict/202103/how-conflict-can-make-your-marriage-better