God’s Wisdom for Marriage – Quick to Listen, Slow to Speak, Slow to Anger (James 1:19-20)

A man and a woman having some argument

Bible Verse:

"My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires" (James 1:19-20 NIV).

An Unforgettable Wedding Ceremony

An unforgettable wedding ceremony was underway, brimming with love and excitement. As the pastor stood before the congregation, he asked if anyone had reason to object to the union about to take place. In that tense moment of hushed anticipation, the unexpected occurred.

A young, beautiful woman stepped forward, holding a child in her arms. Gasps echoed through the hall as everyone tried to fathom what was happening. The bride’s face turned crimson with shock, and she couldn’t conceal her bewilderment. The groom’s mother nearly collapsed, clutching her heart. The bridal party exchanged anxious glances, unsure of how to intervene.

As the young woman slowly made her way towards the front row, an air of anticipation filled the church. The pastor, with a gentle smile, interrupted her walk, acknowledging her presence. “Young lady, thank you for stepping forward. Is there something you’d like to share or any reservations about the union of this man and woman?” he inquired.

In a heartfelt response, the young woman gently clarified, “Oh, no, not at all! I hold no objections to their union. It’s just that from my spot at the back of the church, I found it difficult to hear your words clearly. I wanted to draw closer, to the front pew, to better hear your beautiful message and catch a glimpse of the radiant bride and groom.”

Reflecting on the Virtue of Patient Listening

In the above wedding anecdote, we witness a powerful lesson on the virtue of patient listening. The pastor’s exemplary conduct serves as a remarkable example of the need to give someone an opportunity to express his or her thoughts before running to conclusions–even when one’s instincts might warn against it.

In that critical moment, the pastor’s decision to pause and allow the young woman to explain her actions defied hasty judgment. Despite the tension in the air, he demonstrated the wisdom of taking time to understand before jumping to conclusions. This act of patient listening became a catalyst that brought clarity and understanding.

In the sacred covenant of marriage, we embark on a journey filled with love, joy, and companionship. Yet, as we navigate this path together, we must be mindful of the pitfalls that can threaten to harm our union. One such peril arises when we fail to practice empathy, patience, and open communication. The story of the disrupted wedding ceremony reminds us of the consequences that can unfold when we don’t take the time to truly listen.

Three Virtues for a Strong Marriage

God’s Word in James 1:19-20 offers profound wisdom for married couples. It emphasizes the importance of being “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” Let us reflect on these three virtues that can safeguard our relationships and enhance the bond between husband and wife.

  • Quick to Listen: God gifted us with the ability to listen. It is an act of love to give our undivided attention when our spouse speaks, acknowledging the value of their thoughts and emotions. Just as the woman in the anecdote moved closer to hear clearly, let us draw near to each other’s hearts, seeking to understand without judgment.
  • Slow to Speak: Often, in our haste to express ourselves, we interrupt our partners or finish their sentences. Instead, let us cultivate patience and restraint, allowing our loved ones to share their thoughts in their own time and manner. Give space for vulnerability and honesty to flourish.
  • Slow to Become Angry: Misunderstandings and conflicts can arise when we react impulsively to what we perceive rather than taking the time to gather all the facts. Patience and self-control are essential in preventing outbursts that may harm the trust and peace within our marriage.

The act of listening is more than just hearing words; it involves opening our hearts to the unspoken feelings and desires of our spouse. As we listen with empathy, we sow seeds of understanding, compassion, and support. These seeds, when nurtured with patience and open communication, will bloom into a strong and beautiful relationship.

Just as God exhorts us in the book of Proverbs:

"To answer before listening—that is folly and shame" (Proverbs 18:13, NIV). 

When we become swift to judge or dismiss without lending an ear, we risk sowing seeds of discord in our relationships. But by following the pastor’s example, we honor God’s call to be slow to anger and quick to listen, fostering an atmosphere of understanding and love within our marriages.

May our marriages be a testimony of Christ’s love, exemplifying empathy, patience, and open communication. Let us be known as good listeners, willing to give each other the time and space to express themselves fully. In doing so, we can fortify our bond, weather the storms of life together, and glorify God through the beautiful tapestry of love we weave.

Prayer for Seeking God’s Guidance

Gracious Heavenly Father, we come before You with humble hearts, seeking Your guidance in our marriages. Teach us to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. Fill us with empathy and patience so that we may understand and support our spouses unconditionally. Help us to hold back judgment until we have all the facts and to seek Your wisdom in times of conflict. May our marriages be a reflection of Your love, bringing glory to Your name. In Jesus’ name, we pray.

Amen.

Bible Verses for Guiding and Encouraging Couples to Embrace Patient Listening

Here are some fitting and appropriate encouraging Bible verses for couples seeking the virtue of patient listening:

  • Proverbs 18:13 (NIV): “To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.”
  • Proverbs 15:1 (NIV): “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
  • Ephesians 4:2-3 (NIV): “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”
  • Colossians 3:12-14 (NIV): “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”
  • 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 (NIV): “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”
  • Proverbs 16:24 (NIV): “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”
  • 1 Peter 3:8-9 (NIV): “Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”

The above Bible verses offer guidance and encouragement for couples to embrace patient listening and cultivate a loving and understanding relationship.

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